Miles* loves food and might even be a chef one day. His parents love talking about how he’s been food-obsessed, even when he was a baby. “You should have seen the day this kid discovered ice cream,” his mother told me, laughing. “He couldn’t get enough!”
“Couldn’t get enough” ended up being Miles’* story. As a toddler, his tantrums were treated with snacks, usually fried or sugary. As he got older, his parents, both on the heavier side themselves, indulged his requests for dessert after dinner each night.
Miles* came to me after his parents thought therapy would be useful to help with his anxiety. It turned out that Miles* was being bullied at school, made fun of for being the slowest kid running track during sports and being out of breath every time he had to make it up the stairs at his middle school. His parents were adamant that they didn’t want to make their child feel like he had to lose weight but didn’t know how else to approach it.
I suggested mindful eating as an avenue to explore, especially after it became apparent that Miles* was completely out of touch with his hunger cues. He didn’t eat when hungry. He ate when he felt like enjoying a certain flavor and it was always available in his abundant kitchen at home. Over time, we went through various strategies that he can use to become more aware of his hunger and decide what he needs to satiate it.
I also worked with his parents, helping them implement healthier food habits at home, since they were reinforcing all kinds of problems without even realizing it. Miles* has lost a bit of weight since we’ve started, even though I’m not a dietician and that isn’t our goal. The weight loss is a side effect of him thinking before he eats, tapping into mindfulness and eating with purpose.
Another therapist I know had a client on the other side of the spectrum, named Elaine*. Elaine’s* mother was a former ballerina and was very proud of the fact that she still fit into her jeans from high school – her mother told her so. Elaine* had a dance event coming up and was worried about looking fat in her leotard, even though she was skin and bones. Her mother described her daughter’s undereating as her just being ‘picky’, but it soon became clear that Elaine* could eat most foods – texture, taste, etc wasn’t an issue for her. She just wouldn’t allow herself to do it.
Her teachers complained that Elaine* was always tired in class and would make snide comments about her friends eating during lunch, while barely picking at the single piece of fruit she’d packed in her own lunchbox. She’d say things to them like “a moment on the lips and a lifetime on the hips” and “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” – problematic statements for a twelve year old. “No carbs!” she’d say, when birthday cake was handed around.
When my therapist friend spoke to Elaine’s* mother, she was devastated. She had no idea how much her own fixation with her size had been imparted to her child who was undernourished and fatigued at school each day. The therapist and Elaine’s* mother started working together to implement ways that she and her daughter could bring a healthier mindset to food at home.
Elaine’s* mother was unwilling to alter her own habits but she understood the importance of helping her daughter meet her nourishment needs each day. She started monitoring her language and gave her daughter praise when she ate more.
These are just two kids I’ve come across, directly and indirectly, who have trouble with food, albeit in different ways. The more therapists I meet, the more I realize just how much eating issues are manifesting in our various practices.